


Captain Dad-num

by 1AbbyNewth5



Category: A Heist With Markiplier, Video Blogging RPF, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: BIG STRONG HANDS, Captain Magnum struggles with long words, Father-Son Relationship, I Don't Wanna Be Free is a work in progress in this fic!, I FORGOT ABOUT THE WARDEN'S, Illinois is a bit of a dick, Multi, Other, Writing pirate talk is hard, Yancy has a handmade ukulele, cuz why not, dad mode, doppelgangers, jailbreak
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:27:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22026301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1AbbyNewth5/pseuds/1AbbyNewth5
Summary: Three new Egos are called in to live in the Markiplier Doppelganger Neighborhood. One of the three Egos, Captain Magnum, is out on a mission to pick up the other two, but one of them doesn’t want to join. Hijinks and possible feels ensue.
Kudos: 19





	1. Prologue

“Y’know, I never thought about traveling in the sea before. You’d think the ocean would have temples and air bubbles so you can breathe under the water while you mess around finding treasure, and visit fish heavens.”

“Oh, thar be. We jus’ blew them up.”

“Oh. That’s a bit, uh… not-so-generous.”

“I be a pirate, what’d ye reckon I’d do if I got special heaven loot under water?”

“I’m so used to me things, I guess. Where are we off to, anyway?”

“Happy Trails Penitantiarury- Pen- Penenen- Penitin- Paninininen-”

“Penitentiary?”

“That. We have to pick up a greasy feller. But I don’t know how we should get ourselves in.”

“... Jailbreak?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Illinois and Magnum have a lil chat. The next chapters will be longer, I promise. :D


	2. Break out?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of this place?

The prisoner was lounging on his floor with his legs up on his mattress.

“ _The outside world recoils in fear, thinkin’ if they slip up, they’ll get locked up in here,_ ” the prisoner sang a work in progress quietly, feet bouncing from side to side, and fingers fiddling on handmade ukulele strings. “ _You’re killin’ yourself just to make ends meet… while I’m workin’ on my tan… and kickin’ up my…_ teeth?”

“Yancy!” The Warden’s voice echoed through the hallway. The prisoner sat up, struggling to get his feet off the mattress, and he stuffs his ukulele underneath it. The Warden appeared from the right of the hallway, and he grabbed and shook a cell bar. There was already imprints on the bar because of the Warden’s _big strong hand._ “I heard you snatched an item from one of the guard’s room today.”

Yancy was sitting with his legs crossed on the floor, elbow leaning on the mattress. “I dunno what you’re talkin’ about, Warden. I’ve just been borrowin’ it for a little bit is all.”

“Yeah,” the Warden replied, hiding a scowl. “But nobody’s told me that you brought it back yet. So, where is it?”

The prisoner shrugged. “Gave it to Bambam. Why don’t youse go ask him where it is, huh?”

“What’s that lump on your bed for?” the Warden asked, eyes darting over to Yancy’s bed. He pursed his lips together, trying to keep his cool in one place.

“Made myself a new pillow,” he said, grinning. “Bedtime was gettin’ a little stiff, so I, y’know, got _creative_ with it.”

Both were silent, with Yancy’s smile staying as still as it could be until the Warden pulled out a key from his coat, and unlocked the cell. “Get up, kid.”

As the Warden entered the small room, Yancy scrambled up to his feet, trying to think up an explanation. “Uh- Warden, I- I’m sorry, I should’ve asked, I jus’…”

The Warden lifted up the mattress (that made a small rip noise), and yanked the ukulele with his other _big strong hand._

“Again?” the Warden frowned, staring at the Prisoner. “You know we have a _very_ strict rule about personal items in your cell.”

“I- I know, but,” Yancy tried to explain. “I jus’ thought of a new song, a- an’ I need it for a little while-”

“Bapapapapapapa.” The Warden pressed a finger against his lips, and the squishy meat noises were enough to make Yancy cringe. “If you know the rule about personal items that are _not_ prohibited to be in your cell, no matter the purpose, then you need to follow that rule unless you wanna be put in solitary.”

As much as Yancy loves being safe in the prison walls, he _hates_ the solitary part. The room is cramped, it’s dark, and it’s even worse that the outfit being put on is even _more_ cramped and tight than the room itself.

Yancy looked down at the floor, wanting to whack the Warden’s finger off of his face. “I needed it for a new song I jus’ made up an’ there’s no quieter room than here. I wanted to practice…”

“Do you wanna practice in solitary confinement?” the Warden was looking at Yancy almost condescendingly. The prisoner knew not to press on, slowly shaking his head ‘no’, dragging the Warden’s finger along with his face.

“That’s what I thought.” The finger finally retracted, with both _big strong hands_ holding onto Yancy’s ukulele. “Now one more word from one of the guards sayin’ that you’ve got something that shouldn’t be in here, and you’re in solitary for a whole month. Got that?”

“Yes, Mr. Murderslaughter,” Yancy’s voice was quiet, and he was still looking down at the floor.

The Warden patted Yancy’s cheek, and subtle cracking of cheek bones were heard. He left the room, closing the cell door with a “click!” from the lock.

“You’re a good kid, Yancy,” the Warden said. “It’d be great if you’d start acting like one by now.”

As soon as the footsteps from Mr. Murderslaughter faded from the hallway, Yancy’s fists clenched. Gritting his teeth, his tattooed ‘Dark’ fist reels back and he begins to punch the wall. Multiple times, in fact. So many times that it almost felt as if he could break down the whole wall and just… leave. But Yancy didn’t want to leave. He’s been through situations like this before, and he’s gotten through them just fine, but… something about this specific night, it’s been making him feel antsy from out of nowhere. And Yancy didn’t know why.

You know that one sentence you just read about Yancy feeling as though he’d break down the wall just by punching it so much? Well… that _partially_ just happened.

Once Yancy’s knuckles were close to bleeding, his fist met with something that felt… squishier. Softer. Warmer. His eyes were closed the whole time he kept throwing punches, and as soon as he opened them, he saw something he never thought he’d see in the modern era… a _pirate!_ A very very very _VERY tall_ pirate! The beard, the coat, the hat, the scar on his right eye, the unecessary amount of scarves around his waist, his sword, his WOODEN LEGS, his _everything!_

Yancy’s mouth was ajar, staring at the giant in the eyes as the dust from the wall died down all over his shoulders. A smaller figure popped out from the side of the pirate, giving Yancy a sudden reminiscent feeling of watching Indiana Jones as a kid.

“Who…” Yancy cleared his throat, trying to raise his voice over the alarm blasting through the halls of the penitentiary. “Who _are_ you guys…?”

“So is this him, or what?” the Indiana Jones man asked over the pirate’s shoulder.

“He’s got silly markings on ‘im, so no second guesses!” the pirate exclaimed.

“Huh?” Yancy’s shoulders were suddenly squished by the pirate’s even _bigger_ and _stronger_ hands (that _thankfully_ didn’t make any bone cracking noises), and he was lifted up from the ground in the pirate’s arms.

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THERE?!” The Warden’s voice bellowed.

Yancy felt himself getting launched into the air. The last sight of the Penitentiary that he would ever see was a big hole in the wall and roof, with Warden Murderslaughter, some guards, and his friends shouting and calling out to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why would anyone wanna break out?


	3. I Can't Be Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I can't be free,  
> I don't deserve to be..."

Yancy felt a sudden force through the pirate that they all have landed… somewhere on… something. He had his eyes closed the entire time, tugging on the pirate’s shirt tightly for a short few seconds until he felt a finger poke his arm. “Ah!”

He struggled out of the pirate’s arms, only to be dropped on a wooden floor. He threw fists in the air to attempt to throw punches. “Argh! If any of youse’s touch me, I’mma let you know that these fists are made of pure _steel!_ ”

Fingers pressed all around Yancy’s head to make him stop frantically flailing it around along with his fists. He opened his eyes, seeing that his legs were off the floor. The tall pirate was holding onto his head like it would be an oversized rock that wouldn’t necessarily be called a boulder, but somewhere in between. The Indiana Jones looking man was staring back at Yancy, and there were four other pirates staring along with him as well. Yancy’s fists stopped flying around, and he dropped them to his sides.

“Ye done?” the tallest pirate - presumably the Captain - asked.

“No!” Yancy exclaimed, and landed on his bottom as the Captain let go of his head. “Where the hell am I? Why am I all the way out here? What are pirates doing in the 21st century? Why is _Indiana Jones_ here?!”

“My name is Illinois, thank you very much,” the Indiana Jones rip-off man interjected, frowning.

One of the other pirates - one dressed in red that strikingly looks a lot like Jimmy the Pickle back home - walked over to Yancy and picked him up from the floor, draping an arm around his shoulders. “Well, to answer yer other questions, sprog, ye’re on a pirate ship, ye’re supposed to be teamed up with Illinois and the Captain Magnum over thar fer some doppelganger business…”

The Captain waved a hand, smiling, while Illinois tipped his hat.

“And we’re pirates because we just _arrr,_ ” the red pirate finished, winking at Yancy. He struggled out of the Red Pirate’s arm, hands shaking. It was then that Yancy remembered his ukulele that he left behind. Crap.

Trying not to focus on the instrument, Yancy shook his head to the Adventurer and the Captain. “Okay, okay, okay, okay… Doppelgangers? What’s that all about?”

The Captain shrugged. “A whole gang of them is across the sea. I be guessing they need new crimps.”

“We have no idea what for though,” Illinois added, arms crossed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they wanted to make a clone army.”

“Thar only be like…” the Captain paused and count his fingers. “Over twenty of them so far.”

Yancy’s eyes widened, and his fingers fidgeted the bottom of his shirt. “D’you… know what they’re all like?”

“Oh, we have no idea,” Illinois said as the Captain was going to open his mouth to answer at the same time. “All we know is that they want us with them as soon as possible.”

And judging by almost being two months late after the release of A Heist With Markiplier, that says a lot.

“But how come I haven’t heard anything about it??” Yancy asked, voice wavering. “If we’re all gonna be recruited somewhere that _isn’t_ Happy Trails, then why didn’t we get, y’know, a message from these guys ourselves instead of a whole friggin’ _jailbreak_ that I didn’t want?!”

“Maybe the clones were shy,” the Captain replied like it was nothing. “Started with me first, mayhaps because transportation, and I had to pick Iowa and you up.”

“It’s Illinois- What do you mean you didn’t want a jailbreak?” Illinois asked. “You were in a _prison,_ weren’t you? Figures you’d wanna be free from a place like that anyway.”

Yancy’s arms were shaking now, as he felt a chill in the wind. “No, you- you don’t understand… I gotta go back.”

“What?” Illinois, the Captain, and the other pirates asked simultaneously.

“But ye just got here!” the Captain exclaimed. He went over to put a hand on the prisoner’s shoulder. “We be nah wastin’ any time going all the way back to put ye in thar like it never happened.”

“I don’t care,” Yancy shoved the Captain’s hand off of his shoulder. “I need to get back- I _have_ to get back to my boys an’ gorls an’ everything-in-betwoons… How far did we get from the Penitentiary?”

He ran over to the very back of the ship, with the pirates and adventurer following close behind to make sure he doesn’t jump off.

“We got here, like, just a few minutes ago, right?” Yancy peered over the edge of the ship. “We shouldn’t be that far, youse guys can drop me off lickity split-”

As Yancy stared off, the land is already such a huge distance away that it can only be seen as a speck in the ocean. The prisoner felt his stomach drop as it disappeared from sight. Another chill ran up his spine, looking out into nothing. He was practically tipping off the edge of the ship until the Captain grabbed him by the back of his shirt.

“Get off of that!” he shouted, keeping his grip around Yancy’s shirt tight. “Ye wants ta’ _swim_ all the way back?!”

“Of course he doesn’t!” Illinois swiped the Captain’s hand off. “Does he look like David Hasslehoff to you?”

Yancy cleared his throat multiple times, trying to remain calm. “Is there, uh… Is there any faster way to… get back?”

Illinois scratched his chin. “I mean, big boy Magnum over here can do his super leap again… Can you?”

The Captain made a ‘50/50 chance’ gesture with his hand. “All has to do with me energy.”

“We could shoot ‘im out of the canon?” a lady pirate asked, and Yancy immediately shook his head.

“No flying…” he mumbled, rubbing his knuckles together. “Don’t wanna do no flying…”

Yancy felt Illinois’s arm drape around him almost roughly. “Well, if you wanna go back to prison so badly but you’re too scared to use the fast routes, then you have no choice but to come with us to Doppelganger Land.”

“No!” Quite uncontrollably, Yancy drew a fist back and punched Illinois in the face. “I ain’t going!”

Illinois grabbed his nose with both of his hands, almost stumbling over. “What the hell, man?! Aren’t you glad you’re free?!”

“Can it, Idaho!” Yancy gritted his teeth. “If youse an’ Tall Guy over here didn’t show up when I was perfectly content, then I wouldn’t be out here all fuckin’ _terrified!_ ”

“It’s _Illinois!_ ” He grabbed Yancy by the collar. “I’d be thankful that I was shipped out of jail if I were you!”

“Well, you’re not!” Yancy reeled his knuckles again, striking Illinois’s cheek. “You can’t change the way I feel about all this!”

Illinois rubbed his cheek, and clenched a fist. “You ungrateful son of a…”

The Captain shoved his crew over to the adventurer and the prisoner to try and separate the two of them.

“I’m not joining youse!” Yancy exclaimed, trying to shake the two pirates off of him. “I have to go back to Happy Trails! I shouldn’t be out here! I don’t wanna leave my family! I deserve to be trapped after what I did!”

“What’d you do that made you feel so obligated to stay there?!” Illinois asked before Yancy could throw a kick. “Robbing a bank? Loitering? Drugs?”

“KILLING MY PARENTS, WHAT DO YOU THINK?!” Yancy screamed, almost desperately.

“Let ‘im go!” the Captain ordered. The two pirates let Yancy free from their arms, and he fell to his knees, fists clenching. The other two pirates let go of Illinois, all staring at the prisoner on the floor. The adventurer held his bag from behind his back as if he was protecting it for some reason. Well… a murderer is on the ship, so Illinois must have something in his bag that’s potentially dangerous for someone like him to use.

Wind blew quietly. The Captain’s wooden feet stomped over between Illinois and Yancy to break the silence. He knelt down on one foot to Yancy, hesitant to put a hand on him.

“Thin’s are out of yer reach, I understand,” he said quietly. “If ye’d like to be alone, thar be a wee cabin downstairs. There’s even a little cell that we’d keep prisoners in, but we swab that every other week… right, First Mate?”

The Red Pirate nodded. “Aye, Captain. But this feller be our guest, not our prisoner.”

“He sure as hell deserves to be,” Illinois scowled, and the Captain punched his leg. “Ow!”

“If it makes ye feel any better, would ye like to be in the cell fer a wee bit?” the Captain asked softly. Yancy doesn’t say anything, but eventually stands up. The Captain would only take that as a yes, and gets back up as well. “Aye. First Mate, take him to the cell. If it still has our last trespasser, just blast them out of the canon.”

“Aye, Captain.” The Red Pirate took Yancy by the arm and led him to the downstairs of the ship.

“Crew, get back to work,” the Captain ordered, and the remaining crew went to their stations.

Illinois had his arms crossed, mumbling to himself.

“And you,” the Captain said, leaning down to him. “Watch yer mouth before I wash it with a sea sponge. Savvy?”

Illinois rolled his eyes. “Yes, _Dad._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some pirate dialogue knowledge for yall:  
> 1\. Sprog = Kid  
> 2\. Crimps = Recruits  
> 3\. Swab = Clean  
> 4\. Savvy = "Do you understand?"
> 
> Still in the middle of finishing the last chapter, hopefully before the year ends. Hope you like this so far!!
> 
> UPDATE: ... Well, that was a lie. I have no idea what happened, I just abandoned this work out of nowhere. I got a lot of stuff I'm working on, and I guess I can't work on everything all at once as much as I thought.
> 
> In other news, I'm working on another collaboration with AskError87, so look forward to that!


End file.
